


Jealousy

by babystay97



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Dancer Lee Minho | Lee Know, Depression, Eating Disorders, Everyone Is Gay, Han Jisung | Han & Seo Changbin are Best Friends, Hospitalization, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Overdosing, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shy Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Strangers to Lovers, Suicide, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, established minsung, no happy ending, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-19 07:42:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22807639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babystay97/pseuds/babystay97
Summary: Jisung was happyJisung was in loveJisung met FelixWhy did everything have to change?---Please make sure to pay attention to the tags, I don't want this work to trigger anyone.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin, Lee Felix/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 89





	Jealousy

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains many elements that could trigger people, including MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. Please look at all the tags and make sure you’re in a good headspace before continuing with the story. Let me know if you feel any more warnings should be added.

Jisung was jealous. Not because the cute Australian transfer student was staring at Jisung’s own boyfriend. He didn't really care that Minho was getting attention; the cat-like boy _was_ extremely handsome and had an amazing body from being the captain of the dance team. Jisung was used to it, he never got jealous. Except for this time. This time, he was jealous that it was Felix who was giving it.

Jisung knew he should be feeling the opposite. Who wants people to check out their significant other, even if it happens all the time? But for some reason, all Jisung felt was disappointment that he wasn't the one who had caught Felix’s eye.

"Sung, why are you staring at Minho? I thought we went over this. You're actually dating him now! You can't be nervous to talk to your own damn boyfriend!"

Jisung jumped at the voice, startled, and turned to see Changbin shaking his head at him. 

"I-I wasn't staring at Minho, I was just…," He probably shouldn't mention the fact he had been thinking of a different boy. Changbin may be his best friend, but he wasn't the best at keeping his mouth shut, especially when it came to Jisung’s love life.

Changbin is the only reason that Jisung and Minho finally got together. Jisung made the mistake and confided in the raven-haired boy about his crush, and the next day Minho was asking him out. Obviously, Jisung wasn't mad at how that turned out, but he didn't think that Changbin knowing he had feelings not only for his current boyfriend but also the Australian boy probably would have the same happy ending.

Changbin smirked and grabbed onto Jisung’s hand, leading him over to where Minho stood by his locker. "Hey, Minho! I think you've got a secret admirer!" 

Jisung couldn't help but notice when Felix’s head snapped to look at Changbin, startled by the raven-haired boy's words. The obvious panic in the Australian boy’s eyes died down once he realized the words weren't directed at him. Jisung forced himself to look away and focus on Minho's beautiful smile. Jisung did love Minho, truly. He would never do anything to hurt the older boy, but he couldn't help his feelings for Felix.

Jisung could never tell his boyfriend about these thoughts. He was scared Minho would break up with him because he wasn't loyal. Jisung didn't know if he could explain how he loved both Minho and Felix. Nobody would understand. Jisung didn't know if he fully understood either. Maybe he really was just a slut who wasn't satisfied with what he had.

***

The next morning was Saturday, and Jisung stared at his phone screen, finger hovering over the send button. Why was he so nervous? Like Changbin had pointed out earlier, Minho was his boyfriend now. They'd been dating for more than a month. He shouldn't be scared to ask Minho on a date. 

But… maybe that wasn't what he was actually scared of. Maybe he was scared of continuing to lead Minho on, scared of being unfaithful. Minho was an amazing person, he deserved someone who paid all their attention to him, not to some Australian boy. Jisung sighed and hit the send button anyway.

**Sungie♡**

Hey, wanna meet up at Starbucks later?

You're at work now, right? 

Should I pick you up after your shift?

_God, he sounded so needy. Why was Minho even dating him?_

**Minnie☆〜**

I'd love to😊😊😊

I finish at 3:00

Pick me up then?

**Sungie♡**

Sounds good

**Minnie☆〜**

Love you

**Read**

Jisung couldn't bring himself to say it back. It wasn't fair to Minho. Jisung really had wanted to tell him how much he cared for him, over and over, and kiss him until he couldn’t breathe. He needed him to understand how much he still loved him. He couldn’t lose Minho. 

But that means he _had_ to lose Felix.

If he wanted to keep his boyfriend, he couldn’t dream of kissing Felix on his incredibly soft-looking lips, even if Minho was also present in those dreams, cuddling with the other two boys. 

Jisung needed to cut Felix out completely. His thoughts must be full of only Minho, not taken up partly by a certain boy with a constellation of freckles.

***

Jisung tapped his fingers against the steering wheel as he waited for Minho to exit the dance studio where he worked on the weekends, helping young kids basic dance training. It paid practically nothing; Minho was so selfless. Jisung truly wasn’t worthy of him. 

Lost in his own thoughts, Jisung didn't notice the two figures approaching his car. He jumped at the sound of someone knocking on the window and looked over to see Minho smiling widely with another boy standing next to him. 

_Felix_. 

Startled, Jisung quickly rolled down the window.

"Hey!" Minho greeted his boyfriend. "Look who I found at the dance studio! This is Felix, you know him, right? He just moved here from Australia, he's in some of our classes at school," Minho explained.

Jisung just nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

"Anyways," Minho continued, "Felix was thinking about taking up dance lessons here. Apparently he was on the dance team at his old school back in Sydney. Isn’t that cool?”

Again, Jisung just nodded.

Seeming not to notice his boyfriend’s obvious lack of words and enthusiasm, Minho plowed on. "So, I invited him to come with us! I figured he could use some friends, and I thought you wouldn't really mind, right? We can go get coffee together some other time. I was thinking the three of us could go to the movies or something. Are you cool with that?"

Jisung forced himself to look at Felix. The Australian boy was shyly looking at the ground, not making eye contact. He looked back at his boyfriend. How could Jisung say no to Minho's adorable smile?

Jisung sighed. "That's fine."

Maybe this wasn't a bad idea after all. Jisung needed to get over Felix, and perhaps becoming friends with him, instead of seeing him in a romantic way, was the best way to do that.

***

Jisung was uncomfortable, to say the least. He was sitting in between Minho and Felix at the movie theater, and he honestly felt claustrophobic.

The film hadn't started yet, only previews were playing on the huge screen, so people were still whispering to each other while they were waiting. This included Minho and Felix, who were leaning across Jisung to discuss some anime that they both apparently watched. Jisung has never even heard Minho mention the show before, but he sure seemed all too excited to share his interests with Felix. Jisung wasn't bitter about it, though. He just wanted to be included.

Jisung didn't notice that he was drumming on his leg until he spotted Felix staring at his fingers. He stopped immediately, but it was too late. Felix has seen his fingers moving, a nervous habit of Jisung’s; he subconsciously did it whenever he felt trapped and needed a way to calm himself down. Now that Felix knew he was uncomfortable around him, Jisung felt exposed and needed to get out. 

_He needed to get out…_

Felix tilted his head. "Are you okay?" he asked, his Australian accent seeping into the Korean words.

Jisung managed to choke out a quick, "I'm fine," before excusing himself to go to the restroom. It was too much. Everything was too much. He couldn't deal with being surrounded by both Felix and Minho, seeing them talk happily as he suffered. He couldn't stand it when they pretended to care about him, pretended to make sure he was feeling okay. He didn’t even deserve their real worry, just a condescending meaningless comment. 

Jisung was hyperventilating now, tears starting to run down his cheeks. He was _disgusting_ , he was _worthless_ , he was a _fucking liar-_

"Jisung?" Minho's voice broke through his thoughts. Jisung could hear his boyfriend outside the stall door, pushing against it, only to find it locked. "Hey, are you okay? I thought I heard you crying..."

_Not that phrase again._

Jisung didn't respond. He couldn't. Minho couldn't see him weak. He would just have to wait for him to give up and leave. 

Jisung did not, however, expect Minho to crawl underneath the door, his slim figure easily slipping through the gap. The younger flinched at the sight of his boyfriend, backing away from him. But the space was small, and Minho quickly engulfed the shaking boy in a tight hug. They stayed like that until Jisung’s breathing started to regulate, and his body relaxed as he melted into Minho. He barely registered Minho's fingers gently threading through his hair and the words that were whispered into his ear to comfort him.

Eventually, they broke apart, but Minho kept his hand resting on Jisung’s waist. "Are you o-"

Jisung cut him off. "Minho, don't. Don't ask me if I'm okay. I can't answer you, so just… don't."

Minho hesitated for a second before nodding. "Okay. I won't. Why don't we go finish the movie? Felix went home, by the way. He said he had homework he needed to work on or something. It's just us."

Jisung forced a smile. "Yeah. Just us."

***

Felix didn't have homework. He finished it ages ago; his parents would never have let him go to the movies if he hadn't. He just came up with some silly excuse to leave the theater. He knew something was wrong with Jisung and he didn't want to intrude on the couple if they needed time alone. He wasn't sure if Minho could see through his lie, but the dancer’s eyes had reflected his gratefulness as he gave Felix a rushed "Goodbye!" and hurried after his boyfriend.

Felix had left without a real plan on how to get home. He would have to cross a highway to get back to his house, so walking wasn't an option. He had been counting on Minho to give him a ride home after the movie, but that obviously wasn't happening. He stood outside the theater, contemplating his options. He supposed he could use public transportation, like a bus or something, but he didn't know how it worked in Korea, and his language skills were still lacking to figure it out himself. At this point, he was going to have to face calling his older brother, Chris, but Felix didn't want to disturb him, as he was on a date with that flirty boy from their new school named Hyunjin.

Just as he was pulling out his phone, he heard someone calling his name. He turned to see the raven-haired boy that Jisung had been talking to earlier waving at him, someone else trailing behind.` Felix couldn't quite remember the first one’s name… Chungmin? He didn't have time to figure it out before the boys approached him, smiling widely.

"Hey, I'm Changbin! You're the new Australian student, right? What are you doing here? You look kinda lost."

 _Ah, Changbin! That was his name._

The boy next to Changbin had bear-like features and introduced himself as Woojin.

Felix offered a small smile back. "Minho and Jisung invited me to see a movie, but I don't have a way to get home," he explained.

Woojin just nodded, but Changbin looked surprised. "They didn't give you a ride home? Damn, what assholes!" He pulled out his phone. "Hey, Siri. Set a reminder to be mad at Minho and Jisung." He noticed Felix’s confusion and gave him a lopsided grin. "I never remember why I'm mad at someone, too many enemies to keep track of!"

Felix wasn't sure what to make of that. "Y-you don't need to be mad at them. Something happened that they needed to take care of..." He trailed off.

Woojin leaned down to whisper something in Changbin’s ear. Changbin’s eyes widened for a second before a look of understanding passed over his face. "Oh, okay. Do you want me to bring you home?"

Felix let out a sigh of relief. "Yes, please! If it's not too much trouble, of course," he added hurriedly.

"Not at all!" Changbin smiled. "C'mon, my car is parked over there," he pointed across the parking lot.

Felix followed them gladly. So far, everyone in Korea that Felix met seemed really nice. He was glad to have moved here.

***

Jisung didn't want to go to school today. He couldn't face Felix after what happened at the movies. He must think Jisung was a complete baby for panicking and crying in a bathroom stall. Jisung didn't want to talk with Minho either. He hasn't seen or texted him since Saturday, and it was now Monday morning. He knew he was being a terrible boyfriend, but just thinking Minho's face when he comforted Jisung made him feel sick. He didn't deserve Minho's affection. He was just a distraction that Minho didn't need in his life. He was screwed up, and Minho should just- 

"Jisung! Get your ass out of bed and eat some breakfast! You have school today!" 

Jisung groaned at the sound of his mother's voice and covered his face with a pillow. The door to his bedroom burst open and soon the pillow was ripped away from his grasp. He tried to look as pitiful as possible as he stared up at his mother. "Mom, I don't feel good. I don't think I should go to school today." He pouted and made his eyes grow big.

His mother just glared at him with her hands on her hips. "You aren't fooling anyone, mister. Get up now, before I have to pull you out of bed with my own hands."

Jisung let out a sigh of resignation and slowly pulled himself up. His mother nodded with satisfaction. "Good. Now go grab something to eat before you leave. I don't want another call from your school nurse saying you passed out due to low blood sugar or something."

Jisung mumbled a small, "I will, don't worry," and watched his mother leave the room. He wasn't really planning on having breakfast. He didn't need it. He had too much weight building on his body anyways, skipping a few meals would help him. Honestly, why Minho thought he was beautiful was a mystery. He was obviously not as attractive as many of the other boys at his school. Maybe he should skip lunch, too…

Glancing at his clock, Jisung realized he only had ten minutes before his bus arrived. He hurriedly threw on his school uniform and ran a comb through his messy hair. He stared at his reflection in the mirror for a minute longer than necessary, taking in all the flaws on his body. He definitely wasn't eating lunch today. He needed to look perfect. He needed to _be_ perfect so he was worthy of Minho. Minho didn't deserve an unfaithful _and_ unattractive boyfriend.

Jisung was out the door before his mother could yell at him to eat, his backpack slung over his shoulder as he made his way to the bus stop. His only thoughts as he climbed onto the school bus was that he had to avoid Minho and Felix as much as possible today. He was so caught up in his worrying that he didn't notice a certain freckled boy sitting in Jisung’s usual seat at the back of the bus. As he finally made it to the back, he looked up only to find the exact person he wanted to stay clear of smiling brightly at him. “Hey, Jisung.”

Jisung stood frozen. Every fiber in his body was screaming at him to run away, get off the bus and hide in his bedroom so he would never have to face another human again. But he couldn't. Not with Felix smiling up at him like that. If having a meltdown in a public restroom was weird, what level of insanity would that be?

Felix’s expression started to falter as Jisung didn't speak. "Uhh… do you wanna sit with me?" The Australian boy gestured awkwardly to the spot next to him.

Jisung finally snapped out of his panic induced trance and managed to stutter, "Oh-sure." He shifted his backpack around to the front of his body before carefully taking a seat beside Felix. His fingers automatically started to drum on his thigh as he stared directly ahead, not risking to look at the boy next to him. _Please don't ask about it, please don't ask about it, please don't a-_

"Are you okay? I mean, after what happened at the movies? I don't want to pry or anything, if it's personal you don't have to tell me!" Felix rushed to add. 

Jisung swallowed thickly before responding with a short, "It's personal."

Felix nodded understandably, though he still looked a little uneasy. Jisung wasn't too worried that Felix would continue to try and get a more detailed answer; even though he barely knew the Australian boy, he was certain that Felix was the type of person who'd respect his choices. Of course, he was. Felix was perfect. Jisung wasn't. He would never be.

Felix didn't attempt to make any conversation for the rest of the bus ride. As soon as the vehicle came to a stop outside the school doors, Jisung leaped up from his seat and pushed his way through the crowd of students to get out before Felix could catch up with him. _Why was Felix riding my bus all of a sudden anyway? Doesn’t his brother give him a ride everyday?_ Not that Jisung was paying attention to the Australian boy's transportation habits or anything…

It didn't matter. Now Jisung just had to focus on surviving first period with Minho sitting next to him. When he arrived at his classroom, however, Minho wasn't in his usual seat. _Strange… Minho is always here before I am._ The bell rang a few minutes later, signaling the start of class, but Minho still hadn't shown up. When the teacher called his name for attendance and no one answered, Jisung started to worry. 

As soon as the teacher turned her back to Jisung to write something on the board, he pulled out his phone to see if his boyfriend had texted him. The most recent text was from after the movies when Minho had asked if Jisung was going to be okay and if he needed anything. Jisung hadn't responded. _Maybe Minho is mad at me for ignoring him and he couldn't deal with seeing me today. Fuck, this is my fault! Minho never skips school, but now he did because of me! I don't want him to be angry with me… Are we gonna break up?_

"Mr. Han! I've called your name three times, where is your head today?" 

Jisung was forced out of his panicked thoughts at the sound of his teacher's shrill voice. "S-sorry, ma'am."

The teacher just pursed her lips and called on someone else to answer the question. Changbin made eye contact with Jisung from across the room and mouthed, _"Are you okay?"_

Why did everyone have to ask him that? Jisung just let a fake smile pass over his face and nodded briefly before looking down at his phone again. No new messages.

***

Jisung barely spoke at all during lunch, letting Changbin ramble on about his boyfriend's new hair color. "He looks so fucking hot with red hair! I mean, his natural hair is obviously beautiful, but the red hair! It's just-it's so… hot!" 

Jisung had tuned out about ten minutes ago; he could only handle so much of Changbin thirsting over Seungmin. He had more pressing matters to think about.

"Hey Jisung, where's Minho today?"

Jisung didn't answer his friend. He couldn’t.

Changbin continued, "I saw Minho’s younger brother, Jeongin, earlier and I was gonna ask him if he knew anything, but he was in the middle of a conversation with Chris and I didn't want to interrupt. Do you know Chris? He’s Felix’s older brother. Anyways, I figured you'd probably also know where he is. You are his boyfriend after all!"

Jisung shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Uhh… I don't know. We-we haven't talked for a few days."

Changbin’s head shot up from his phone, where he had been staring at photos that Seungmin sent him, showing off his new hair. And abs. Seungmin loved to send shirtless pictures to his boyfriend, which meant Jisung was also forced to see them, even though he _really_ didn't want to. He didn't need images of fit and skinny boys constantly shoved in his face. It was like they were taunting him, telling him he'd never be good enough.

"What do you mean, 'we haven't talked'? You two are always all over each other! Did something happen? Did you have a fight?" Changbin leaned closer to Jisung, eyes wide with curiosity and the anticipation of good gossip.

Jisung shied away from the other boy, clearly uncomfortable with all the intrusive questions. “It wasn’t a fight… we just… haven’t talked… I have to go!” His chair scraped against the floor as he quickly stood up, gathering his belongings. Changbin called after him, confused, but Jisung was already hurrying away. He tossed his uneaten lunch into the trash and picked up his pace, breathing heavily and unevenly.

By the time Jisung reached an empty classroom and threw open the door, he was close to tears. He slammed the door shut, flinching at the loud noise. Jisung collapsed to the floor, book bag tumbling from his grasp and spilling its contents everywhere. His hands were running through his hair, pulling at the bleach-blond strands in an attempt to forget about everything. The pain helped, but not enough. Jisung wished he had the small pocket knife he kept in the drawer by his bed. He needed a distraction, he needed the satisfaction of seeing the deep red of his blood drip down his wrist.

“Jisung?”

He definitely did not need to deal with Felix. However, the Australian boy had his head popped through the door and was staring at him, concern clearly etched across his face.

“I-I know you probably want to be alone right now, but I saw you running from the lunchroom and thought I should check on you… Are you okay?”

The small part in Jisung that was keeping him sane snapped at the words, and he started screaming, “No! No, no, no, no, NO! Stop fucking asking me that! Just-STOP!” He was rocking back and forth on the ground now, tears spilling down his puffy cheeks. 

Felix’s eyes widened at the outburst, instinctively stepping back. “I-I’m sorry! I wasn’t-I didn’t mean to-” His lips started to tremble as he tried to finish his sentence, but he seemed to be struggling to find the right thing to say in Korean. He managed to gasp out another “I’m sorry” before turning and fleeing the room, leaving the other boy in a shaking, crying heap on the floor. Felix didn’t stop to look back as Jisung reached a trembling hand toward his book bag, struggling to get the zipper open. His sweaty hands grasped at the multiple small bottles containing all his different anxiety pills, trying desperately to get them open. He popped the caps off, at least a dozen capsules varying in size and color spilling into his palm. Not stopping to think, Jisung shoved them all into his mouth, tears still flowing freely from his eyes.

***

Felix ran down the hallway, sleeve coming up to his face to wipe away the tears. He was such an idiot. He made Jisung cry. God, why couldn’t he do anything right? Jisung will never talk to him again, he- 

“Oomph!” Felix let out a grunt of pain as he tumbled to the ground, the boy he ran into barely avoiding falling on top of him.

“Oh my God, Lixie! Are you okay?” An older boy stared down at Felix, eyes wide.

Felix hardly registered the fact that the question was asked in English. As he binked the dizziness away, his vision cleared, revealing his older brother above him. He quickly sat up. “Oh, Chris! I’m so sorry for running into you, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going… What?”

Chris’s eyebrows had furrowed, and he was looking at Felix’s face scrutinizingly. “Were you crying? What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you? Who do I need to hunt down?” His protective older-brother side jumped out at the sight of Felix’s tear stained face.

Felix wouldn’t meet Chris’s eyes. “No one, Chris. It doesn’t matter.”

Chris frowned at the obvious lie. “Lixie, if something’s bothering you, you can tell me.”

Felix sighed, giving into his brother’s coaxing. “I… I like this boy. His name’s Jisung. He’s so cute, Chris, he has these really chubby cheeks! But I think he has some anxiety issues or something. I really want to help him, but I’m scared to get too close. He-he has a boyfriend. And, I might like his boyfriend too...?” He finished his small rant quietly.

Chris just smiled and put an arm around Felix’s shoulder. “Felix, have you heard of polyamorous relationships?” When Felix shook his head, he continued, “It’s when multiple people all love each other and are in a healthy relationship together. Now, I don’t know where the boys that you like stand on this, but I think you should at least talk to them about it. You deserve to be happy.”

A small smile broke out across the younger’s face. “Thanks, Chris!” Felix stood up, brushing off his pants. “I think I’m going to go talk with Jisung. I feel kind of bad for just leaving him there… Alright, see ya later!” He waved to Chris as he quickly hurried back the way he came. Pausing for a second to look back at his older brother, he added, “And you deserve to be happy, too! Don’t be too shy with Hyunjin! He obviously likes you!”

Chris’s face turned bright red at the mention of the boy he had asked out, and sputtered, “Don’t you have some boyfriends to go get?”

Felix just laughed at his brother’s embarrassment and continued down the hallway. After reaching the door that leads into the room where he left Jisung, Felix paused. Maybe this wasn’t the best time to talk with Jisung about their relationship. He was clearly unstable. But Felix couldn’t hear any crying from inside the room, so maybe Jisung had calmed down. Taking a deep breath, Felix pushed open the door before he could chicken out. 

“Jisung, I-” His voice cut out as he took in the sight before him. Jisung was lying unmoving in the same spot on the floor where Felix had left him. A medication bottle was on its side next to him, pills spilled onto the ground. Felix rushed to the unconscious boy and landed heavily on his knees beside him. He reached a hand to Jisung’s shoulder, shaking him, but the boy didn’t respond. Trying not to hyperventilate from panic, Felix hurriedly took his phone out of his pocket and dialed the number of the first person he could think of.

“Hello?” A voice answered.

“C-Chris? I-I don’t know what to do! He won’t wake up! Shit, I don’t remember what the em-emergency number here is, Chris, I need help!”

“Woah, Felix! Calm down! Where are you?” Chris questioned.

“Room 212. Please hurry.”

The phone cut off as Chris hung up. Felix only had to wait for about a minute, staring at Jisung’s unmoving body, before Chris came crashing through the door. Felix lept up from his spot beside Jisung. “I-I think he overdosed! We need to take him to a hospital!”

Chris nodded in agreement and knelt down next to Jisung. “Felix, help me lift him. My car’s in the student parking lot, I can drive him.”

Blinking back tears, Felix followed his brother’s instructions. Once Jisung was secure in their arms, he noticed how unbelievably light the boy was. Felix was scared that if Jisung’s shirt came up, he’d be able to see his ribs. Trying not to think about the boy’s weight, Felix focused on making sure he didn’t drop him. 

Everything else happened in a rush that Felix had a hard time remembering. He and his brother must have gotten Jisung into the car safely because all of a sudden they were at the hospital, doctors whirling around them. In the background, Felix could hear Chris doing his best to explain what had happened with his accented Korean. Felix collapsed into the nearest chair in the waiting room and once again pulled out his phone, though this time he wasn’t planning on calling his brother. Scrolling through his list of contacts, he stopped when he got to a certain name.

**Minho(민호)**

Nobody answered.

Not giving up, Felix tried his home number next. The phone barely got to the second ring before someone answered. 

“Hello? Who’s this?”

“It’s Felix.”

“Hey, Felix! What’s up?” Minho's voice sounded nasally. Somewhere in the back of Felix’s brain, he registered that the reason he hadn’t seen Minho at school today must have been because he was sick. “Oh, by the way, if you see Jisung today, can you tell him that my phone broke? I dropped it yesterday and haven’t gotten it fixed yet. He’s probably worried because I’m absent today, but if he texted me I wasn’t able to see it.”

Felix bit his lip at the mention of Jisung. “Umm… Minho… I’m actually at the hospital. With Jisung. H-he overdosed on his anxiety pills. I wanted to let you know so you could come, but if you’re sick-”

“I’ll be right there,” Minho responded immediately.

“Thanks.”

***

Minho must’ve run through at least five red lights on his way to the hospital. He didn’t even bother to lock his car as he sprinted towards the automatic doors of the building, rubbing at his stuffy nose. He pushed through a cluster of people standing at the front desk until he reached the receptionist. 

“I’m looking for Han Jisung, can you tell me his room number please?”

The receptionist typed a few things into her computer. When she looked up, instead of giving Minho the room number, she asked, “And how are you related to him?”

Minho blinked. “I-I’m not a blood relative or anything; I just want to see him and make sure he’s okay.”

The receptionist frowned. “Sorry, I can’t give out any information on him unless you’re family.”

Minho was about to protest when he heard a voice calling his name. He spun around to see a boy with curly blond hair waving at him. 

“Hey, I’m Chris, Felix’s older brother. He said I should come find the ‘boy with dancer thighs and a cat-like face’. I’m assuming that’s you.” Chris smiled.

Minho let out a sigh of relief. “Yeah, that’s me. Thanks a lot, man. They weren’t going to let me see Jisung since I’m not a relative.”

“No problem. C’mon, I’ll show you to the room. We aren’t allowed in right now because the doctors are still working on him, but Felix’s set up camp on a bench a few steps down from the door so he can be there as soon as there’s news.”

“Has there been any news?”

Chris looked at the floor. “No, we don’t know anything. I’ve tried to ask, but the doctors going in and out of his room are in such a hurry that they won’t talk to me. I-I don’t think it’s going too well…”

Minho swallowed. “Oh…” Without saying anything else, he trailed after Chris to the bench where Felix was waiting, silently enveloping him in a big hug as soon as he saw him. The smaller Australian boy started shaking in his arms, crying into Minho's shoulder.

“Hey, I’m going to go find a vending machine or something, I’m starving. I’ll give you two some time alone, okay?” Chris waved to them before disappearing around the next corner.

Minho ran his hand through Felix’s hair, trying to calm the distraught boy.

“I’m so sorry, Minho, it’s all my fault! If I hadn’t left him by himself, this wouldn’t have happened!” Felix hiccuped.

Minho pulled away from him and cupped the crying boy’s cheeks with his hands. “This isn’t your fault, Felix. Don’t blame yourself.”

Felix looked up at Minho with watery eyes. “But-” He was cut off by a pair of soft lips covering his own. Felix’s eyes widened in surprise as he felt Minho’s hand snake behind his neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss. Felix couldn’t help but let out a small gasp of pleasure when he bit down lightly on his lower lip. Just as Minho started to slip his tongue into the smaller boy’s mouth, Felix came to his senses and pushed him away.

“W-what was that? What about Jisung?” He stuttered, breathless and a little dazed.

Minho just smiled, a look of pure affection on his face. “Felix, I love Jisung a lot, but I like you too. Listen, this might sound crazy, but just hear me out. I get that we’ve only known each other for a short amount of time, but I just can’t help it! Everything about you, the way you stare at Jisung and I when you think no one’s looking, your accent-hell, even the way you brush your hair out of your eyes when you’re reading in class! This may seem sudden and probably a little insane, but I promise I truly do have feelings for both you _and_ Jisung. Now, I don’t know if you’ve heard about polyamorous relationships-”

“I have.” Felix was staring at the floor, his freckled face flushed redder and redder every second.

“Oh! Really? So you know where I’m going with this then. I was thinking about bringing it up with Jisung later, but before I do, I just wanted to make sure you were interested.”

A smile bloomed on Felix’s face. “I am. I really am.”

Minho reached out and took one of Felix’s hands into his grasp. “You have no idea how happy that makes me. And I really think Jisung wants this, too. I mean, have you seen the way he looks at you?” 

Felix’s face-if possible-got even redder at the question and Minho laughed. “God, you’re so cute. I’d kiss you again, but I have a cold and I don’t want you to get sick.”

Before Felix could respond, a group of doctors came running down the hall and rushed into Jisung’s room. The two boys went silent, staring at the door that had just been slammed shut. They stayed like that for a while, hands still intertwined, listening to the panicked shouts coming from inside. Finally, a man wearing a white coat opened the door and stepped out. Minho squeezed Felix’s hand as the doctor slowly made his way over to them. 

“You two are here for Jisung, correct?” 

“Y-yes, sir,” Minho replied.

The doctor looked over their worried faces and sighed. “I really hate to be the one to tell you this, but unfortunately your friend didn’t make it. He not only took too many anxiety and depression pills, but he mixed different types too. It was an extremely dangerous thing to do, and with his body already being severely underweight and weak from not eating, there wasn’t much we could do to save him. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Minho heard Felix let out a strangled sob. He dropped the Australian boy’s hand and collapsed to his knees. He felt dizzy. This couldn’t be happening. Jisung couldn’t be dead. His Sungie couldn’t be dead. His vision was blurry, darkness threatening to take over. 

_Jisung couldn’t be dead._

_Jisung couldn’t be dead._

_Jisung couldn’t be dead._

The darkness won, and Minho's eyes rolled back as his body became limp and he fell unconscious.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I know this ending wasn't happy, but life isn't always happy. Writing is my way of coping and I hope this story can bring attention to the serious mental health issues many teens suffer from. I’d also like to point out that Jisung’s inner thoughts do not in anyway reflect my opinions on polyamorous relationships; everybody should love who they love as long as the relationship is healthy. ❤️


End file.
